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Nov
17

Stuttering Help – Stuttering and Your Resistance To Change

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Stuttering Help - Stuttering and Resistance to ChangeDo you know what was the most FRUSTRATING part of my “stuttering dissolution journey”?

It was the fact that I knew what to do to change my speech for better, but my mind and body was RESISTING that change no matter how hard I tried!

It’s like learning new speaking techniques which you know if you use them they would help you to speak in a lot better and smoother way, but for some reason you RESIST using them. It might be your mind, your body or some other reason but you simply resist using them even though you know you could speak better if you use them.

As a result, you try to speak with your old speech patterns and end up experiencing stuttering and blocking.

The equation was actually very easy.

…use your new techniques while speaking and you’ll have a better speech.

However, for some strange reason I couldn’t understand, I RESIST doing that and I kept going back to my old speech patterns which were only giving me speech struggles and blocks.

You might be going through the same stage or experiencing something similar. If so, I strongly suggest you to keep reading this article till the end.

A personal story…

I was going through a very hard time in my life. I was at a stage where I had HOPE but on the same time I was really FRUSTRATED.

I had hope because…
I kind of knew that improving my speech to a great level was possible… as long as I sticked to my speaking tools, techniques and strategies.

I was frustrated, because…
Even though I knew changing my speech patterns would help me to manage my speech successfully and speak in a lot better way, I was RESISTING the change.

I stopped calling my mentor. I just didn’t know what to say, because I knew what to do but I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do. I was frustrated. To be honest I was mad at myself too.

WHY the hell I wasn’t following what works and instead I was insisting on using my old ways and struggle severely with my speech?

That just wasn’t making any sense to me. I couldn’t understand myself, I couldn’t understand why I was doing it.

Imagine this…

You have 2 options in front of you; your old way of speaking and your new way of speaking. One will give you the results you want and the other will keep you where you are. It was the easiest decision ever, but I simply couldn’t do it.

Let me give you an example…

It was the time when I graduated from university and I was applying for jobs. Online application through internet was getting popular so I had no problems applying… but SPEAKING to companies either on the phone or in person was one of my worst nightmares.

stuttering and speaking on the phoneOne day I saw a missed call on my cell phone and apparently the person who called left a voice-mail. The voice-mail said something in the lines of:

“Hi Chazzler, I am Jennifer from Company X and I am calling to talk to you about your job application to our company. Please give me a call at this number when you received this voice mail. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you!”

Believe it or not I still can feel what I was going through when I listened that voice mail. Wasn’t I supposed to feel good? Yes, I felt good… only for half a second! 🙂

Why? Because this meant that I HAD TO make a phone call, introduce myself and speak to the person on the phone! She’ll find out about my speech on the phone and probably will change her mind offering me a job interview. Besides, worst of all, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of those people. I just wished I could speak in a relaxed, smooth and confident way without stuttering!

But wait a second! I had the tools to do that. Actually, may be I couldn’t speak like a fluent person yet but I could manage my speech and speak in a lot better way if I stick with my new way of speaking.

After going through some extremely high stress, I called her back! My plan was to use my tools, techniques and strategies, which I proved myself numerous times that I could use and manage my speech in a lot better way with the help of them.

I called her back and… stutter severely!

I did NOT stick with ANY of my speech management skills and as a result I ended up with a horrible speech and a horrible communication session. I felt so bad that I hang up the phone on her which guaranteed me a missed interview opportunity 🙂

I was so frustrated, mad at myself, felt desperate… and a thousand more negative feelings you could imagine.

Coincidentally my mentor called me the next day. He was checking back to make sure I was doing OK because he hadn’t heard from me for more than 2 weeks. I wasn’t feeling like speaking but I did anyways.stuttering help and mentoring

Mentor: Did you already find out in our practice sessions that your new speaking skills can really help you manage your speech?

Me: Yes… but it doesn’t matter because I am not using them.

Mentor: Why aren’t you using them?

Me: I don’t know, my body just reacts that way. I start speaking and the next thing you know I am back and lost in my old speaking ways.

Mentor: Why do you think you are resisting that change? You already know that your new speaking skills help you to manage your speech greatly. Why should you stick with your old ways which only creates severe speech struggle to you?

Me: I know I know…and that’s why I am frustrated with myself. I don’t know why but it just happens.

Mentor: I know it just happens.

Me: You do?

Mentor: Yes I do…because I was exactly in your shoes and I know what you mean, I can relate with the frustration you are going through.

Mentor continued: Change is always uncomfortable Chazzler and we as human beings always resist change. However, you need to be aware of the fact that you can’t keep everything the same and expect a change in your life.

If you want to achieve better things in life, if you want to get yourself to the next level in any area in your life, you need TO CHANGE something…and in order to change something about you, YOU need to change first. Change is not an on/off switch, it is a PROCESS.

However, even though change is a process, every change starts with a simple step and if you don’t take that step nothing will happen. It’s the crossroad where you choose your future. That decision might not make that change happen overnight but it will put you in the right pathway which will take you to your ultimate goal.

So, here is what I’d suggest you to do:stuttering help and stuttering suggestions

1) Decide if you really want to change

2) If you don’t want to change then that’s totally fine… just learn to live with it and try getting used to living a not very exciting life with not many successes.

3) If you do want the change, then make a decision today! Change is not possible WITHOUT taking a step further for that change.

4) If you already made your decision and took that first step but still you are not getting the results you want then question your needs.

Is that your resistance to change?
Is that because you lack knowledge?
Is that because you lack strong inner game?
Is that because you lack powerful outer game?
…or is that because you just need somebody with you to take you from the hand and help you to make that change happen?

Those are the questions which only YOU can answer…but once you answer those questions, if you feel like you need help to change everything for better, know that I am always here to help you in the best way I can.

Remember that change is always uncomfortable, but it is the core of BECOMING BETTER.

As I said, overcoming your stuttering challenge requires some changes both in you and in your life.

…And that is perfectly fine.
Because if you want a MAJOR CHANGE in your life, you can’t keep everything else in your life THE SAME, and EXPECT a SUCCESSFUL, PERMANENT change.

All the changes in my life happened because I started to do something DIFFERENT than ordinary, or I met with NEW people who lead me to the right direction when I had no idea where to go or what to do.

I agree that change is always uncomfortable, but I personally get excited before a change. Meeting new people, coming across new information/knowledge makes me EXCITED.
Life is boring when everything around you is expected, don’t you think so?

Some people never leave their comfort zones so that they can feel SECURE. I strongly don’t recommend you do that. Well…of course if you want to change things for BETTER.

Let me give you 2 quotes to think about…

  • “A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for!”
    Grace Hopper
  • “If you always do what you’ve always done,you’ll always get what you have always gotten.”
    Anthony Robbins (I think)

Very thought provoking quotes!

Just give what we discussed in this artcile some thought and let me know if you have any questions by commenting below. Also, feel free to leave a comment and let everyone know if you have any favorite quotes on stuttering and change.

Until next time, take care yourself and do not resist changing for better… because that is what’s going to take you to your goals and dreams in life!

Wish you all the best,

Chazzler
P.S: Sharing is caring, so don’t shy away and leave a comment below:)

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7 Comments

1

A very inspirational post chazzler..thanks for sharing this.

2

Hi Chazzler. Great article. Well done. I believe improving our speech is almost just a process of change management. It’s human nature to resist change even though that change is for the better. Change is scary. People around us may not approve of the new “me”. Change is risky! We must find a “compelling reason” to change and proceed with courage and determination and in the process change how we see ourselves and our place in the world. Regards, Geoff

3

Thanks for your comments.

Rajesh, I’m glad you found it helpful;)
Geoff, great add on analysis as always:)

I just integrate facebook comments on the blog, so now you can comment a lot easier by using your facebook account;) Also, some sharing options are now available.

With the help of these tools, I hope we can reach more people in our community and let them know about the help available for them.

4

Hi Chazzler!
That was a real superb message. You have worded my thoughts well. I shall write down in a book, these ideas about myself and reinforce them daily by reading them before starting the day.
Those ideas are:
1. I shall feel comfortable with the new me, the new confident me (that I have visualized myself)
2. I shall change the way I feel about myself, ie., I am a bold, joyful, take-easy, yet responsible person
3. I shall not unnecessarily allow fear to affect me by the so-called authority persons, or by fearful situations. (The people in authority are given unnecessarily a high place in my heart making things uncomfortable for me invariably)
4. I shall not fear change, I just need to change the way I see myself; this ofcourse changes the problem into a playful challenge.

Lovely article.. it really inspired me to write down these points for myself.. Thanx a lot Chazzler! Thanx for being there for the needy

5

those are GREAT points you listed Aruna!

6

Hi,
Nice post. I know everyone feels this way cuz the brain is so used to our speaking habit. Its almost impossible to tell our brains to change cuz brains have their own complex ways of thinking.

Our brain never knows wht is it to speak fluenty so it automatically stops us from fluency. Remember we were perfect at birth. Thats why birth defects always remain defects

However with practice everything is possible.
Lets forget science.

I read your post. True and nice.

I always listen to my friend when i come up with such a situation.
He always tells me “No one has time to think about others problems. Everyone is busy with their own lives and problems” 🙂

So relax. You dont need to be scared of anything or anyone cuz no one really cares.

7

That’s so true GRG. Everyone is so focused on what other people might be thinking of them, so no one actually have time to think about you because we all are busy with worrying about what others are thinking about us:) It’s a tragicomic fact which is proven by studies.

Thanks for the thought provoking comment, GRG…
I wish you guys comment by using the facebook comment box above so I can like and give thumbs up for your comments:)

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